Sometime at the end of last summer, when me and miss L had gotten used to enjoying each other and started to actually form a relationship, we started talking about D/s in everyday situations. We had experimented with BDSM and it was clear we had very compatible tastes sexually. It was also clear that I was taking the lead in many things outside of sexual play. When we opened up the discussion miss L revealed she wanted more of that, more of the everyday dominance. I have never been in any form of 24/7 situation but with her it felt very natural and we started outlining rules and guidelines.
One thing that came up early was punishments. I can’t remember the exact situation but there had been a small argument of sorts and I felt miss L had misbehaved. Once feelings had simmered down and we talked things through she agreed with me, she had indeed misbehaved, and was apologising for it. At that moment we decided I have her consent to punish her when I feel she deserves it, with over the knee spanking as the default method.
As months passed there were occasions were I told her that she was getting very close to the limit, most times I opted to to talk to her sincerely, since I could see her bad behaviour stemmed from sadness or worry that needed to come out and it felt inappropriate to punish that. I see my role as her Dominant to be coaching and helping. I choose whatever method I feel is the best to help her in pursuit of happiness.
However, a few days before new year’s she was behaving very bad, I had done my best to help her and the situation was intolerable. She knew she had crossed the line and when I told her to lay down over my knee she did not even try to protest. This was the first time I have EVER spanked a submissive in a non-sexual / non-play manner. It was the first time I spanked someone who did not WANT it.
It was not enjoyable, I had not expected it to be either. I was worried that because I myself was angry I was not in complete control of my emotions and I never want to spank with out total control of myself. I was also concerned about how she would react, since this was the first time for her too. So in the end I took it quite easy, I felt the humiliating aspect was more painful to her then my hands smacking her bottom.
Throughout the session I kept one hand constantly on her head or shoulder, trying to make her feel loved at the same time as she was punished. The result was a butt with a light red tint and a very ashamed miss L. I let her go and she laid silently for a while, with me close at hand.
The session did yield a good conversation about her behaviour but I would not call it entierly successful. I would have expected and wanted more of a catharsis. I do think my fear of properly punishing miss L physically left the session incomplete. (In addition to the reasons mentioned above, something I generally struggle with is the fact that I initiated her into the world of D/s and I’m often held back by fears of breaking an unspoken limit. But that is the subject of a different post :)) My conclusion is that there will be a new rule incorporated. Next time I will spank her until she says “Sorry, Sir” in a convincing manner. If this means reducing her to tears it is probably a good thing, even though it will feel awful at the time.
I have promised her I will help her strive to perfect her self as My girl and I intend to do just that. Is physical punishment a good tool to do that? If not, what is? I have also promised I will never use “emotional tricks” as punishment, as I never ever want to project a lack of love towards her, my precious girl. Can corporal punishment work as a vent for me if she makes me mad and I can’t stay strong, calm and collected. And is that ok? My gut feeling is no, but this experiment continues none the less. I both hope and not hope I will be able to write my second post on the topic in the future.