We have been apart with H soon two weeks, although it feels even longer! My time here hasn’t been that easy due to various reasons and because of the slightly challenging times I have not felt sexual at all. I can honestly say that anything related to that has not been on my mind lately. Thankfully things are beginning to normalise here and I have started to feel better about being here. Thus, I have been very happy to see that I have started to feel sexual again and that feels very good! We are actually seeing with H this weekend and we are going to spend the whole weekend together. Big yay! However, this wasn’t our initial plan, since we were supposed to see for the first time only in the end of February that would still be pretty much in a month from now.
I don’t know, if it’s the fact that we are seeing in few days or that my life is getting better here, but as said, I’ve got my sexual desire back! I’ve been thinking a lot about quite basic things such as how it will feel to touch and kiss him and being close to him when we’ll see, but also the great fact that we are able to have sex very soon! Our relationship has been very sexual so when things are normal it feels quite strange to not have that – I think for both of us and maybe even more to H. So I could imagine that our weekend is going to be quite full of great sex sessions and that has been a lot on my mind. Actually now I feel so horny that I really cannot wait him to use me…very hard! I love this feeling when I feel so committed to him that I really want him to use me in whatever way he wishes. The strong feeling of commitment to him makes me also wanna please him the best way I only can. It is quite difficult to really explain this feeling, but I often feel it strongly, especially, during our sessions. And this does not mean that I wouldn’t feel like it outside the bedroom; I want to be the best good girl for him all the time, but this specific feeling feels very special to me. It could even be compared to worshipping someone, even though it sounds quite scary in a way. But actually it is quite magical and surreal feeling and I have never experienced anything like it before being together with H.
Even though I would consider myself as being quite sexual person, I masturbate very rarely…and now I wouldn’t even be allowed to do so without H’s permission. It is very difficult for me to get into the point where I would really feel like touching myself no matter how much I have dirty thoughts in my head. I think H has asked me to do that only a couple of times and then I was not allowed to come. I have actually enjoyed those times (except the first time he asked me to masturbate), because he has given me specific instructions what he wants me to do and that really turns me on when I think about doing it to him…but it really requires a specific mindset for me to be able to do that. The reason why I brought this up is that I might want to ask his permission for masturbation today and I hope he allows me to do that. If not, then I just need to be very patient and “save myself” for the weekend and for him! ;)