The main reason why I don’t feel like wearing it every day is mostly superficial, and I’m not very proud of that. The necklace that I have as a day collar is simple and beautiful silver necklace and it doesn’t really stand out as anything unusual a girl would wear. However, I have always paid quite a lot of attention to my looks and how I dress and I feel that the day collar restricts me in a way. When I wear it I cannot really wear any other necklaces that I have and I think that it just doesn’t fit with everything. I know that the way I think about it is ridiculous and it’s stupid that I let my superficiality affect so much, because it is also very important to me what it actually represents.
Wearing the day collar has been slightly problematic issue for me since the moment I got it in Christmas time. The day collar is a lovely symbol of our relationship and of the fact that I’m his girl and I was very happy to get it. I have been wearing it every day since the day I got it but lately wearing it has started to bother me more and more. Now I haven’t been wearing my collar for two days.
I love that the day collar is a symbol of me being his girl. I do like the fact that I’m “marked” in a way and this is why my thoughts about wearing it feel so confusing and contrary. I also love that every single time I see myself from a mirror wearing the day collar I think about H and every time I touch the necklace it reminds me of him. You could think that this would be even more important to wear it when we are apart. That’s what we were thinking too, however, now when we have been apart, wearing the day collar every day has really become an issue for me and I honestly don’t know why. The funny thing is that in the end I really would like to wear it for him, but now I just cannot let go of my superficial thoughts! This is actually very embarrassing to admit.I have told H how I have been feeling about wearing it lately and our last discussion about it was yesterday. He has said already in our earlier discussions that in the end it’s my decision whether I wear it or not. Naturally it is very important to him that I wear it, but he doesn’t want to force me wearing it, which I appreciate. He doesn’t either understand me completely why I don’t want to wear it, which I understand. He also said that he thinks that the day collar means different things to us meaning probably that I don’t put similar value to it as he does but that’s not the case in my opinion. I just don’t think that my commitment is dependent on wearing a necklace, even though I still care a lot of what it represents.
I don’t want to let him down on purpose, but I still feel that it’s important that I tell him honestly how I feel instead of not saying anything about it. We have always kept open communication to be very important in our relationship. I feel, again, so confused about my feelings. Being apart has been so much more difficult than I could ever imagine and it has affected our relationship a lot already, because I’ve been so off-balanced here. Yesterday we decided that now we are just trying to focus on getting my life here in balance and slow down with all the D/s things, because obviously maintaining similar lifestyle the same way as we have used to has not been that successful so far.