As miss L touched upon in her last post our relationship has been put under strain by being apart. That was not very surprising in it self but exactly how hard it has been is surprising and the way our D/s dynamics have worked out is surprising as well.
Miss L has not been very happy in her new “home” and as taking care of her and her happiness is fundamental to me as a dominant( and as a partner) this has been really challenging to me. I assumed that keeping basic routines and discipline practices would function in a comforting way and serve to keep our connection strong. This is not at all how things have worked out so far. Since she is having a difficult time I’m not at all willing to dish out any kind of distance punishment when I can not be there in person to hold and comfort her afterwards. It also seems that when I’m not physically present it is hard for her to fulfil requests. Her instinct to be a good girl does not kick in the way it does when I can look into her eyes in person. Facetime is indeed a wonderful thing but it is clearly not enough in this case.
There could also be another dynamic at work here, that is not directly related to the physical distance between us. Since she has been feeling emotionally vulnerable she might not have the emotional “capital” to afford to let me take charge the way she does when feeling safe, comfortable and happy.
“Submission is a gift” is such a cliché but as all clichés it has a element of truth in it. And it is of course impossible to safely give that gift if you don’t feel you are on stable ground.
Cliché or not I feel it is the basis of our relationship and my philosophy regarding D/s. The day collar miss L writes about in her latest post is a good example. I need her to WANT to wear it for it to hold any meaning to me. If she would wear it with reluctance, simply to please me without genuine pleasure in pleasing me, I prefer she takes it off.
That being said, I did not feel good at all about her decision to take the collar off. It did hurt my feelings but those feelings are mine to own and handle to the best of my ability. As a dominant I’m also very much into rules and when they are broken or disregarded it makes me uncomfortable.
As we started our D/s journey as an experiment, I have always tried to keep a very open mind and a keen eye on how things develop. In any D/s relationship I don’t believe there are any set rules that are universal or constant, we all work differently and part of why BDSM and D/s is so fascinating is how complex it is emotionally and how it can twist and turn and develop over time. Even in hard times it helps me to try and keep this perspective, to learn and observe how I and miss L work.
That perspective is only possible because I feel we have such a solid foundation of strong love to stand on. Miss L has discovered she is genuinely submissive and takes great pleasure from submitting to me. This is just absolutely amazing! It makes me happier then I can ever express since I love her to bits and feel so blessed I can be on this journey together with her. I plan on never letting her go and that also makes it easier: all the learnings we take from this time will serve us in our common future.
Right now it is time to make sure we both feel safe and happy, to find stable ground for both of us in this situation and partly we can do this through mutual respect and communication. Finding our common way in territory that is unknown to both of us. Hard? Yes, for sure. Exciting too? Absolutely!