Feeling lost

It’s been a while, since I wrote here the last time. I have been a bit busy lately, but other than that I haven’t really felt like writing anything here, because everything related to D/s life has been a bit paused from my side. I have felt extremely unsexual during the past few weeks and I honestly don’t really know why and it has started to bother me a bit, because I’m quite sexual person after all.

Because I’ve been a bit lost with my sexual mood, I obviously haven’t been in a mood for touching myself or we haven’t even been sending our usual dirty texts, and the connection between us has been a bit on and off too. One night H asked me to do something little for him before going to sleep. He asked me to think about the lovely spanking session that we had here the last time and he wanted me to touch my breasts and nipples at the same time. That wasn’t much to ask, right? Well, when I was lying in my bed I just felt that even though he really didn’t ask much from me, I didn’t feel like doing that at all. And, the result was: I didn’t do it. The next day H asked me how did my assignment go and then I told him that I didn’t do it. He was understanding, as always, and he said that he would like me to try again the next night. I tried to do it then, but I didn’t really succeed in awaking my sexual desires and I felt just very uncomfortable touching myself, but this time I tried it at least. I also felt a bit ridiculous before anything, because I couldn’t complete such a simple assignment for him successfully.

I have tried to think of reasons why I feel the way I do, but I don’t have a clear answer to that really. Life here is in balance and everything is all good in a sense, so that should not affect it. I only know that, due to various reasons, I’m quite stressed and have worries about the time when I will get back home in the summer, but I don’t know can it have such a strong impact on me and on us too? One other thing that has probably affected our connection, at least from my side, is that we are not that much in touch.

As I said, this has started to frustrate me a lot and this has affected our connection too to some extent. Recently I have also been a bit closed and quiet when talking with H even though I always look forward to the time when we have a chance to talk. I don’t know a reason for that either. H has been a gentleman and he hasn’t been pushing me for anything and actually we haven’t touched that topic that much, except yesterday a little. Regardless of all this, I’m happy to tell that there will be light in the end of the tunnel and something to look forward to – we are gonna see each other in eight days when I will travel home :) Then we will have six days together and I know that my mood will be totally different from the moment I’m close to him again. I cannot wait for that! But still I cannot stop thinking about why I feel like this and what could we possibly do together to make me (and us) rise and shine again. Any ideas?

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One thought on “Feeling lost

  1. Pingback: Preparing rope and for the arrival of my girl | He says mine.

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